The Hurt & The Healer

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from being explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood
When mercy takes it's rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take this heart and breathe it back to life
I fall into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
And find Your glory even here

Her journey..

Her journey has been a long hard battle but she has fought and hasn't given up. Mainly because she is stubborn and hard headed. (That's where I get it from.) Her journey has been filled with love and joy, sadness and happiness, and she will never know how many lives she has touched. Gram. 
Her body is tired and weak and she is ready to go HOME.

I’m Free

Don’t grieve for me now, I’m free
I’m following the path God laid for me.
took His hand when I heard Him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I’ve found my peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Ah yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life’s been full, I’ve savored much.
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me.
God wanted me now, He set me free.

We meet with her doctors today to see what needs to be done. If you could, please say a prayer for my families strength in this very difficult time and that she not be in any pain as she makes her journey home.

 I love you to the moon

Our God is an AWESOME God

Great news today! Gram is awake and alert for the most part. She opened her eyes late last night/early morning and seems to still be groggy but awake. It was so wonderful to see her eyes :))) Vitals still look good and she should be taken off the vent because she is breathing on her own.

And my CT results came back as a small benign(non cancerous!) cyst (sounds scary) but the Dr. is not concerned at all!!

Amazing how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders today. Thank you Lord and thank you ALL for the prayers.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you. 1 Peter 5:7

When it rains it pours

Holy moly! That saying couldn't be more true right now. I have always thought of myself as a glass half full kinda girl. I try and see the best in any "bad" situation and let go and let God. Here lately I have come to the conclusion that my body is falling apart. I keep this blog to look back on because my memory is not the greatest and I love going back to see what Hudson was up to two years ago or more. I don't think of it as putting my whole life out there because I really only have a few true "followers" and I consider them friends as well. This has been a struggle for me to "put this info out there" and DO NOT want pitty or poor her. I know things happen for a reason and the good Lord has far bigger plans for me than I do for myself and I hate that I have really questioned that lately. First, Gram is BACK in the hospital, has been for a week and 3 days. She went in for abdominal pain and left shoulder pain. She was later diagnosed with pancreatitis and gallstones. OY. She was admitted and moved up to a room. The next day she was sent down for a CT scan and they found something leaking in her stomach. Long story short, her Dr. preformed emergency surgery to repair the stomach and took out her gallbladder as well. The surgery took a good 3 hours and she was wheeled back up to CCU where she was sedated and put on a ventilator to help her breathe. She was given a heavy dose of meds and had been out since they put her in the surgery room. She remained "out" the next few days. Her vitals were decent and she was still on the vent to help her breathe. She has been taken off the pain meds for about 3 days now and hasn't been able to "wake up" The nurse and Dr. both assured us it is pretty normal for someone her age and given that much pain medicine to be out for an extended amount of time. But 4 days...seems like a long time. Please, if you have any extra prayers, send them her way because now it's just a waiting game.

I experienced my first CT scan yesterday. Not fun, but not too bad. I was more nervous than anything. let's go back a few weeks... I scheduled an appointment with my primary dr because I had been having some issues with my stomach. being diagnosed with Graves' I really don't hesitate anymore to get things checked out. She ran blood work and ordered an ultrasound of my stomach and other organs. The results came back and she was concerned with a "spot" on my liver. Well, that's NEVER a good thing to hear. They wanted o get a better look, so that's when the CT was ordered and I made an appointment. The whole appointment took about an hour and 1/2. I should have results later today or tomorrow. Trust me, I have already given it over to the Lord and just pray everything is normal. Of course my mind has gone 1,000 different ways and I've thought the worst but I'm not letting that get in my head. I'm 29 and feel that I am in great health, I eat healthy, am very active and all of a sudden feel like my body is falling apart. One thing after another.


Other than all this gloomy news, we just got back from our family trip to Ruidoso! It was such a wonderful weekend spent with my two boys. Just what I needed.

                                                                Tubing at Winter Park

The weather was great and Hudson loved snow tubing and feeding the deer by our cabin! A trip to remember for sure.

Shout it from the roof top!

Hallelujah!! I can officially announce..........

That my husband is a PARAMEDIC!! This has been such a journey for him and he has studied his little booty off. Hard work and dedication really does pay off. This is NO ordinary test, there are questions on there designed to throw even the smartest EMT off and make then think, "HUH?" In a way that's a good thing because you want someone who has your life in their hands to know what they are doing but then again when it comes to taking a test that basically determines the future of your career, it's a whole new ball game. He went in to take the test yesterday February 7th, without telling anyone.....but myself. (And I had to pry it out of him) that way, if he did happen to fail, no one would know and he could take it again. Smart guy :-)
Poor guy was so nervous all day yesterday and had his nose in the books. After the test, he was even more of a nervous wreck. He came home talking about how many questions he thought he missed and how some asked information he had never even heard of before and he kept saying he thought he failed. There are only so many encouraging words you can tell someone waiting on results like this! I tried to be supportive and told him not to think like that. That he had put too much time and effort into studying for it not to pay off.

7:00 am results check. He logs in to the website from his phone and just stares...he asks me to read what it said because he couldn't believe it. "Congratulations on passing your National Registry test!" That's all that jumped out at me. Hallelujah, Hallelujah! I cannot express how proud I am of this man. Whatever he puts his mind to, he succeeds :))

 This was Cody's pinning ceremony on February 1st at City Hall. He completed his first year of              probation and is no longer considered a "rookie"

We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do - Ephesians 2:10



We leave for Ruidoso next Friday, just our little guy and us for a little fresh mountain air, snow tubing, shopping and feeding the deer. It couldn't have come at a better time. God is good, all the time!

Where has January gone?!

I feel like I always say this but WHERE HAS JANUARY GONE?! Seriously, the first month of 2013 has flown by. Our little Huddy monkey will be 4 in no time :( He is such a blessing and we thank God for him everyday. He keeps us on our toes and brings so much love and laughter into our home. Just yesterday we were visiting Gram and I as we were leaving, I told him to get in his seat so I could buckle him. "Mom, please don't sass me!" is what I got. I couldn't help but laugh. Gram was at the car door saying bye and heard him and she couldn't help but laugh either! The things out of this little guys mouth I tell ya. He is smart as a whip, knows the President of the United States, Vice President, Secretary, Speaker of the House and so on. (Things I am ashamed that I don't even know) He knows the books of the Bible and sounds so precious reciting them. He's just recently started to talk back and say "I don't like you" when we discipline him. Acting like a teenager already..... We gave him the option this year of having a birthday party or taking a fun family vacation with just the 3 of us. Right now it's a party but I'm sure that'll change soon. I can't believe he will be turning 4 this year.

This was at our friend's little girl's 1st birthday. He did not get off this thing the entire 2 1/2 hours we were there. So this will be a 4th birthday present for sure.

Everything in our house is going well! We joined the Y in January and not because it was a "resolution" because Cody is obsessed with racquetball and he and his buddy James go allllllllllllllllllll the time. So we got the family membership. I have always been a Gold's girl. I worked there for 2 years and have always had a membership because I loved the classes and knew a lot of people that went there. I got out of the whole "gym scene" because there just wasn't enough time and I refused to put Hud in the daycare there. When we started at the Y it was a whole new ballgame. I had been there once with a friend and just wasn't in to it. Cody gave me a quick tour and he was off to play. Ever since then, I've been doing classes at lunch and it's pretty great! I don't have to worry about someone watching Hud and I usually get in 45 min of cardio and my workout is done for the day.
Still having an issue with my right eye. I saw an eye specialist on Wednesday and he confirmed TED. He said it was mild and there was nothing he could do. WAH. But at least it's not affecting my vision. On a good note, my levels look great and my thyroid meds are doing their job!! Hooray. I made an appointment with a top of the line eye center in San Diego and see them in March! This is also going to be our California trip to see my dad. Hoping for some more information :))

Cody has his MFD pinning this Friday!!! He's been employed with the Midland Fire Department for a little over a year! I am so proud of him and love our MFD family!!


"Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile!" Mother Teresa
Love that

Thyroid Update:

That saying, "When it rains, it pours" has never been so true. A few days before NYE I woke up to some crazy swollen eyeballs. They water constantly at night and have been swollen most mornings but this was a different swollen than what I was used to. My right eye was slightly larger than the left eye and my vision was a little blurry. With Graves' there is something associated with the eyes called Thyroid Eye Disease and it's just as bad as it sounds. As soon as I was diagnosed with Graves', I bought a book that was recommended and read all about TED (thyroid eye disease) and was terrified and knew for some reason that I would be affected by this. Don't ask me how, I just was like, I'm going to be one of the few that this will happen to. So as the days went on my eye stayed larger than the left eye. My sweet sweet husband, bless his heart. I would come to him and complain that my eye made me look "CRAZY!" or when we would talk I would say "stop staring at my crazy eye!" He would just tell me that I was overreacting and that it "wasn't even noticeable until I pointed it out" "You look fine babe." he would reassure me almost daily. But I knew something was wrong and wanted to catch it before it got any worse. Of course, when I realllllly need to get in to see a Dr. there is always a waiting game. I called my optometrist first because he's just wonderful and really knows his stuff. I've been seeing him since I got my first pair of huge coke bottle glasses in the 6th grade :) Yea, picture that. I couldn't get in to see him for almost a week. Then I proceeded to call my endo. OUT OF THE COUNTRY for another week. Go figure. So here I am, walking around feeling like a cyclops...secluding my self from friends, family and public as much as possible. I have never in my life been one to feel sorry for myself, EVER. I believe in the hand that I'm dealt and deal with it because I know I'm NOT in control. But for almost two weeks I was in a funk and worried about my "looks" ( I know that sounds so vain) but really concerned about my health as well. Then I got hit by the STREP sickness. AWESOME, not. I was miserable and laid in bed all day Saturday. With the sinus pressure I had, it made my eyes or EYE feel even larger and more blurry. So at this point, I'm a bawling, sickly, crazy, feeling sorry for myself, hot mess. Thank goodness we know people who work in a clinic. Walked in Sunday and got a shot in the bum. I had my eye appointment yesterday and it went better than I expected. Got some fancy eye drops and I see my endo today. Hopefully I will get the answers that I need. I can report today that my eyes feel much clearer (not 100%) and my right eye has gone done some. And I'm done feeling sorry for myself :)